It has been two years now since I became the youngest president. Ever since I was elected, some people haven’t exactly been thrilled about this, especially my butlers and maids. I’ve gone through sixty-eight butlers and fifty-four maids, and some of them quit before they even started! No human wants to work for me anymore, although I’m not sure why, so I resolved the problem by getting animals to help me. Ever since Joe Bob constructed the animal translator in 2019, any animal can converse with a human. I’ve had animals helping me for a whole month now, a new record!
“Oh, here comes my least worst butler, some tiger guy. He’s more annoying than Annoying Orange, and I can smell him from a million miles away!” “I heard that!”, he exclaims. To be honest, I don’t really know any of their names, I just want them to get me what I want when I want it. I don’t know how he could be my least worst butler, but it’s not that hard to beat out an elephant, an armadillo, and a fish.
Oh no! My worst maid is coming this way, she’s a clumsy gorilla! She is hairier than Bigfoot, and she’s not that smart either. Guess what, one time she gave me a raspberry smoothie when I asked for a blue raspberry smoothie. “Hey gorilla maid. Have I ever told you how much I don’t appreciate you?”
At this point, I see the gorilla and tiger whispering about something. “We have decided to quit.”, they both say in unison. “But you can’t!” I say desperately.
After a few hours of trying to persuade them, I can’t talk them out of it, they won’t budge. If offering them a raise won’t work, I don’t know what will. With the animals departing, I won’t have anyone working for me, and I can’t be president!
After all that, the word gets out that no human or animal will work for me. I try to get some people that I knew back when I lived in St. Louis before I became president to work for me. They didn’t last an hour! I think the final straw was when I threw a knife at them for cutting my grilled cheese into fourths instead of halves, they knew this wasn’t where they desired to be. I sure miss the animals, always getting to complain about them being lousy employees just because I wanted to. Those were the good days, but they said they will never work for me ever again no matter how much money I offered. In the end, without anyone to work for me, I had to resign as president, and I learned that some people, even the president of the United States, don’t realize what they have until it’s gone.